I am surrounded in color
the yellow haze, the wet purple
of lilacs, the orange chains
of rust and motor oil.
Here, I am space ready for filling.
I am surrounded in weight
weight that pushes and hides
and blindfolds me in curtains
of blood and faceless entrance.
I am a void being filled with dirt,
a heavy shovel, a man’s sweaty hands;
he fills me.
Here, I forget the the weight for years.
I am surrounded in cold;
after the music, there is a numbing
that spreads like ink;
a chill that never disperses
as I come undone in the mirror.
Here, my brain fills with lesions.
I am surrounded in heat and noise
I am surrounded in voices
calling my name, whispering to me.
I am surrounded by godless stars
where the vacuum of space fills my heart,
embedding tracks of memories
across my chest, intersecting my veins.
Here, I am white noise, breaking.
Here I am angry. So angry.
Here, alone in my room I whisper
Be Brave, Resist, Fight
I touched the first sparks of a wild fire
before I learned the truth of pain.
I’m learning to fill within the wound.